Disappointment

That is about the only word that can sum up the feeling I have toward myself. I swore that when I moved back to New Orleans, I would keep up with the healthy lifestyle, diet, cooking, exercise, etc. I have been back since June and I've done a piss poor job of all of the above. I probably would have went a little while longer before noticing had it not been for Christmas. Christmas is the time of year when everyone gets together to shove their faces, my family is no different. In between amazing lunches and dinners I noticed my weight gain. All of my clothes that used to be loose on me are now tight and looking like they would explode within any second. I could not be more disappointed and disgusted with myself. I worked so hard to drop the weight that I did and had such a clear goal in mind of how much more I wanted to lose. At some point it stopped being about a number and started being about becoming healthy for myself, no one else's opinion mattered to me anymore. Now, I have blown all of that away within less than a year.

I'm forcing myself to get back on track. I'm trying a little more radical methods than before to get the ball rolling again and hopefully after the pounds start coming off again, I'll be able to stick with it. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted on any good recipes I find, fun outings or cool new exercises I may discover.

Butt Prints on the Glasstop Desk

That about sums up what came to my mind when I recently saw an old man who looked like my last boss. I remember the day I found out about his many *man do I mean MANY* office flings. I became sick to my stomach thinking about it as I was the one cleaning his office due to my OCD/cleaning disorder/control freak-ness/organizational disorder. I thought of how many times I probably cleaned off dried baby juice and didn't even realize it. Then I have to stop myself before I throw up like I did when I first found out.

Instead, I let my thoughts take me back to the people I used to work with. I feel bad for the one older lady who I honestly think is still clueless to it all. She actually isn't a bad person. I can't say anything about her lack of work ethic because, shoot, maybe I'll be like that when I get old, too tired to give a damn. She prided herself on her appearance, but deep down you could tell she wasn't a bad person. Things that came out of her mouth every now and then gave way to a soft side that she didn't like to show. When my old boss walked past her you could see the true love/adoration in her eyes towards him. She honestly loved him. She really had no clue what a shitbag he was. Neither did I. I used to go in his office to have him sign letters as he told me sob story after sob story of how this girl left him and this girl accused him of cheating, never true of course (riiiiight).

Anyways, after a while, I felt like I had a friend more than a boss, which was great. I was able to leave pretty much whenever I wanted and only got in trouble on the rariest of occassions when my younger boss got irritated. I was living the dream. I was away from hubby so I was drinking constantly. After bills and booze I barely had two dimes to rub together, but I didn't care. The alcohol numbed the reality, for a while at least. I started getting the cold shoulder from my older co-worker due to my new found friendship with her love. Rumors began and of course, I became a topic of one of her catty co-workers blog posting. It didn't and still doesn't bother me. I know she was hurt because she thought something was going on and her old friend was trying to stick up for her. That's what friends do. Neither of them would have thought twice about this if they really knew what this guy was doing, but that is neither here nor there.

I began to become suspicious of his motives after a few references, so I started digging deeper into his past. It became very obvious he was divorced due to his infidelity and I honestly felt heartbroken for his ex-wife. MY thoughts drifted back to my co-worker, so obviously oblivious to what a dog he was. Stories of ex-girlfriends made their way to the surface and it became clear this man couldn't keep it in his pants.

It wasn't long before I realized I needed to get out of this place before I ended up like him. Someone who couldn't commit to one person, someone who couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. One lie lead into another, until he couldn't see through all of the bull shit.

I do regret not giving my other younger boss the chance to finish stuff up with me before I took off, but I think if he ever found out what happened he would agree with my situation (if he, say, put his newly made wife in my situation he would understand completely with my actions).

I was told by a friend still employed that IT uncovered lots of deleted [inapproriate] emails that my boss had sent to me and many others, though he was still and IS still employed with them.

Later I was called by another friend. She was barely speaking through tears and in an angry voice wanted to know what he tried to do with me. She then went on to tell me the things he did to her, she did to him and the things they did together. In his office, on the desk, all over. I became sick to my stomach and had to grab the toilet. I had cleaned that desk so many times, so unaware that stuff like that happened on it.

Anyways, so weird that all of these thoughts and memories surfaced just from seeing this poor old guy sitting all alone on the street.

The Coughing Child

**Disclaimer- This post is NOT to offend anyone with children, if you take offense, I do apologize, but it needs to be shared**

Date night arrived with the hubby and it was my turn to select the dinner location. I decided on Olive Garden because I wanted a hot bowl of soup and a nice fresh salad. We waited the usual 20-30 minute wait for a table, due to the popularity AND cold weather of course.

We were seated in a nice cozy corner. I am so beyond happy to be here with hubby, relaxing, and getting ready to enjoy a nice warm soup and out of the cold weather. We are served samples of a new wine, hubby looks at me and can tell I like it, orders two glasses for us. It was romantic. I don't need a five star restaurant to enjoy myself. This is all I ever wanted. It was such a romantic night.

I noticed when we were seated there was a younger couple, maybe our age?, girl covered in tattoos, man dressed shabby, and a child, approximately six years in age. I have gotten spoiled by my friends' children, all well behaved and perfect angels in public places. To the onlooker, you would have thought the same about this child. That was until she began jumping on the seat of the booth. Normally, I wouldn't have been bothered, but on this occasion, I was seated on the side attached to her booth, so with every jump I was bumped a bit from my comfortable position. Hubby could tell I was getting annoyed, he reached across the table and grabbed my hand, I took a deep breath and calmed down.

We continued our conversation, only to be quickly interrupted by the child talking right into my ear. She had stood up on the booth and was talking directly into my ear! I turned and gave a horrible look to both her and her "parents" (I do feel bad for having to be nasty to the child, I mean, my God she is only a child and OBVIOUSLY hasn't been taught how to act in public). Her mother quickly yelled at her to sit down and she obliged. I thought that would be the end of it until I felt a small hand on my shoulder. Sheeeee's baaaccccck!!

A little more talking followed by one of the second worst things imaginable, a COUGH, right on my back (what is the first you ask? why a sneeze of course!). Completely disgusted at this point, I am a germaphobe for God's sake, I jumped to my feet and let out a disgusted noise. Hubby was frozen, not sure what to do. "Control your child please." What did the parents do? Nothing, the let the child continue jumping around while they enjoyed their dinner.

I understand that couples, especially young couples, don't get enough quality time together as a couple when they have children at a young age, BUT at the same time, why should my hubby and myself be punished just because they could not take an extra few minutes each time they were out in public to instill some manners in their children. I simply don't understand it. The more and more I see, the more hesitant I am to have children. Is it really that difficult to teach them simple things like this?

An Endless Battle

I have always had weight issues...if it wasn't one extreme it was the other. I was a little chubby growing up and it seemed like the second I entered high school I had shot up in height and thinned out in width. One of my good friends at the time used to give me a hard time always asking if I had an eating disorder. It used to piss me off because I couldn't understand why she would even think that. Going into college I was still pretty thin, but over the years I added weight on slowly but surely. And now, as if by overnight, I realize how much I have put on by comparing pictures. I also realized that I did have an eating disorder in high school and just didn't realize it. I wouldn't eat unless I was hungry, which would leave me going without food sometimes for days. When I was hungry I would binge (never throwing up mind you!) then go another day or two or three without eating again simply because I wasn't hungry. Well, you may think it worked since I managed to stay skinny that whole time, but obviously not. I set myself up for a lifetime of bad eating habits.

Anyways, I feel like I am at the end of my struggle. I feel as though I have hit rock bottom. Most people would look at me and think I am just a little thick, which they are probably right. But when I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror I get sick to my stomach. The person I am looking at is not me, but myself in a fat suit. It is so utterly disturbing. Anyways, I have been making some drastic lifestyle changes and I am hoping they produce an end result that I am happy with and that I can continue with the rest of my life. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted on this front.

Germaphobe

Happy Tuesday to everyone!! I know I have been a horrible, horrible blogger lately. I have been so tied up with life in general that I have not kept up with my duty of blogging. Hopefully I will be able to get back on track shortly and get you guys up to speed on everything.

Anyways, last night after I cleaned up the house, as always, I curled up in bed and grabbed my new issue of Shape magazine (normally I go for my Cosmo..Glamour or Vogue, but wanted to read something different). Jenna Fischer is on the front cover looking cute as always. I glance at the cover as I always do to cheat and get a sneak peek of what is within. Just as I was about to flip to the front page, the word "germaphobe" caught my eye. Naturally I flipped to the page that was next to it and began reading this woman's story. I will spare ALL of the details, honestly because it kind of made me ill to the tummy. The woman sounded a lot like me, maybe a little bit more extreme actually, taking every measure to avoid and/or destroy germs surrounding her. She took swabs from everyday items she touched but thought she protected herself from & had a doctor study them over a period of time.

Well, long article short, some pretty disturbing things were discovered. Vaginal and rectal yeast on the elevator buttons she touched everyday, fecal matter on just about everything that she came into contact with and swabbed. Large amounts of fecal matter on the children's' jungle gym at the park, but the most disturbing, her kitchen counter top. This lady is a vegetarian so had no change of raw meat contamination. The end result to the study of the secretly dirty counter top, her sponge. Where she thought it was clean, it was actually full of germs.

So, where do I leave you, besides with disgusting thoughts and probably the need to wash your hands a million times after reading this as I did? Well, I will pass along a couple of the tips I gathered from the article. You can always go pick up a copy and read the full article.

Tip #1: ALWAYS wash your hands after using the bathroom (duh!). You should lather your hands for at least 20-30 seconds and rinse with warm water. You should sing the "happy birthday" song at least twice during this process in order to assure you have killed all the germs. Make sure to pay attention to under your finger nails. When grabbing the paper towel to dry your hands (germs LOVE wet surfaces so make sure to dry thoroughly) use the paper towel to turn off the faucet and open the door to exit the restroom.

Tip #2: If someone sneezes by you, walk diagonally away from the sneeze. Also, the myth about holding your breath....not a myth at all! It takes a certain amount of germs to get you sick, so by you holding your breath and potentially keeping out so many germs, you can actually avoid getting sick! Crazy!

Tip #3: Counter tops should be sprayed or wiped down with Clorox or other anti-bacterial substances BEFORE AND AFTER meal preparations (yes, not just after!) in order to keep from contamination.

Tip #4: Use separate cutting boards for different types of foods (this is a given but still thought I'd mention it). You shouldn't use the same chopping board for meat as you do for your veggies.

Tip #5: Last but certainly not least, to keep your sponge from becoming a breading ground for all the nastiness, after each use, still in a bowl of water and place in the microwave for two minutes.

If any of you guys have any nifty tips for us germaphobes, please share!

Why Knock?

I am JUST now becoming used to the fact that a closed door doesn't necessarily mean something bad or inappropriate is happening. In most REAL places of business, a closed door simply means there is either something confidential being discussed OR that person is being considerate of the people around them if they are doing something loud.

I have worked a few different places and this is the first place I've been where a closed door doesn't bother me. One place I worked, the married man used to close his door when his many different girlfriend would call. No one else minded but I still had to hear his conversations through paper thin walls (::vomits::). Another place there was only one person that would close doors, and it was always a slam followed by yelling/ranting about an employee in the office. Once again, I was left in the situation of hearing everything simply because people thought "the door is closed I can do/say whatever I want." The worst, and my LEAST favorite, was a boss that would close his door simply to grope any female that was unfortunate enough to walk in there. I would still throw up a little in my mouth when I saw a closed door, after hearing multiple stories from multiple females about their little "quickies." Down to flat out having sex on the desk. The bad part is, he was, plain and simple, the biggest dog anyone would ever meet in their life. I can guarantee that.

Anyways, the whole point of this blog is, for the longest time I always associated a closed door in a business with something inappropriate happening. Today I realized, I've finally shaken that feeling. I can walk past a closed door and not wonder what is going on, probably just a meeting or a confidential conversation with a client, nothing more, nothing less.

It feels great to be in a positive environment! It feels even more great not having to worry about making sure every inch of my skin is covered up as to avoid staring or inappropriate comments from my boss. I LOVE this place!