My Kat Von D Exposé

So a while back, I was browsing Sephora and found some awesome deals on some Kat Von D lipgloss . I picked up a few shades and headed to the counter.  Even though the glosses were on sale, they were still a bit overpriced, but I was happy to pay it because I was in love with the shades and loved how the gloss felt on my lips and stayed in place.  I used those lip glosses every day it seemed like it.  I tended to lean more towards the color above "rocker."  I went so crazy using it, I ran out pretty quickly.  In a panic, I grabbed my purse and headed to my nearest Sephora.  I searched and searched through the Kat Von D section only to come up empty handed.  I finally though "maybe they sold out since they were one sale, maybe they will be getting in another shipment."  After flagging a worker down, I explained to her what I was looking for.  She shook her head before I even finished and said "she stopped making those, they have the flat glosses, but not that particular type you are looking for anymore."  I though 'no way, these are too stinking cute, other people had to have loved them like me!'  Thinking she was mistaken, I removed the empty gloss from my purse to show her, yes, in denial, only for her to confirm, that indeed Kat Von D no longer provides that line of gloss.

A passing by co-worker overheard her and stopped and said, "we have Sephora brand glosses."  I tried to dismiss her quickly, until she reached out for my empty gloss.  I contemplated not handing it over, if I scraped really hard I could get a few more wears out of that thing!  She reassured me that what she was going to show me would make me happy.  She brought it over to the Sephora gloss and said "just like I though, her you go."  She handed me back my empty gloss as well as a Sephora brand gloss.  I must have showed my confusion, they looked like the exact same gloss!  The girl then explained to me that Kat Von D takes Sephora makeup and repackages it.  What?!  I mean, I guess I never really looked into it, but I always assumed 'hey, this is a Kat Von D line, this is something she spent time on."  I felt like I had been slapped in the face.  While I was thrilled that I found the same gloss, I was also hurt that I had spent so much time appreciating "Kat Von D's makeup style" when all it was was Sephora's line. 

What happened at the register made the sting worsen.  I was rang up and the gloss ended up costing half the price of the Kat Von D gloss.  What the what?!!  So I overpaid AND the gloss I just purchased had more in it??

Lesson learned?  maybe do a little research before overpaying for something that could be a rip off of something that is the exact same thing for half the price!


The Do Not Fly List

As some of you may or may not know, I am a very nervous, anxious, person.  That extends to my feelings towards flying.  This past weekend I was coaxed by my good friend's husband to hopping on a plane after work and surprising her for her birthday weekend.  It didn't take much persuasion to get me to say yes, but getting on the plane was a different story.  I didn't allow myself to think about the trip until I pulled my car into the airport parking lot.  It suddenly sunk in what I was about to do.

Now, for those of you who are reading this and thinking to yourself "this girl is ridiculous, I fly all the time" I would like you to know, I haven't always been afraid to fly.  Granted, the most I ever flew was from Dallas to New Orleans and vice versa (depending on the aircraft anywhere between a 45 minute to 1:15 flight).  I used to enjoy it, just enough time to get into a book and before you know it, you were landing.  One of the last trips I took during my "flying loving" phase was obviously with a very drunk and/or inexperience pilot.  The weather was clear, it seems as though the plane had no mechanical problems, but he had a serious problem keeping the plane steady and almost as though he was going through an obstacle course in the air.  Needless to say, I was very nauseous and fearing for my life by the end of that flight.  Ever since that time, I hated getting on a plane.  

The last time I flew previous to this past weekend's trip was when I was flying from Dallas to New Orleans to attend my uncle's funeral.  I decided to fly Southwest.  It was a last minute flight and I was always told they have decent prices.  What they say is true, I was able to get a decent rate and be with my family.  I have to say I wasn't the biggest fan that I had to fly out of Love Field.  I'm not sure if the air conditioning in the airport just happened to be out that day or if the airport is just always that hot!  Pair that with a ton of people squeezed into a tiny space and you had a very nervous, uncomfortable, anxiety-ridden, me.  I have to admit though, once I was on the plane, I was won over, the flight attendant was great, even gave me an extra strong drink because I think he could tell I was nervous.  All in all a good experience.

This last flight though, seemed to be doomed from the get go.  I pulled into the airport only to find that the long-term parking lot was completely full.  Having no option as I was driving myself and had nowhere else to leave my car, I opted for short-term parking and dealt with the fact that I was going to have pay serious money by the time I made it back.  I got through security pretty quickly since I had my boarding pass printed and decided to grab a drink while I waited.  I waited patiently at the bar and by the time the lady made it to me, I nervously requested my jack and coke.  She gave me a double take and after checking my ID to verify my nervous twitch wasn't from trying to score an illegal drink, she asked if I wanted a double.  When a huge smile appeared on my face, she said "triple?"  I opted for the triple jack with a splash of coke and was on my way.  I grabbed a chair by the windows by my gate and waited for the announcement to board.  I made sure to pace myself on my drinking, as I didn't want to miss any announcements.  Just as I looked out the window and thought "man, it looks like it is about to storm" the sky cut loose.  It began pouring, lightening and thundering non-stop.  A lightening bolt hit something close, cracked and the airport lost electricity for a few minutes.  I tried not to let the panic overrun me, but it was difficult.  This storm caused the plane I was supposed to be boarding to have to circle, inevitably causing my flight to be delayed 20 minutes.  Not good when you have a connecting flight to catch that was originally scheduled to leave 40 minutes after you landed.  I thought to myself "great, I will have 20 minutes, that's hardly enough time but definitely doable."  I was landing in Charlotte, which, unbeknownst to me, is a pretty massive airport.  Exiting my plane I realized I had to get to one end of the airport to the other in 5 minutes.  I'm still not exactly sure how I did it, but I did.  When I arrived at my gate, I was out of breath, sweating and just all around not thrilled.  The lady scanned my ticket and said "I'll walk you out."  I was like "what?!! walk me out where?" She opened the door, which I thought was only for emergencies, mind you, and lead me to the flight line and sent me in the direction of a tin can that look nowhere near flightworthy.  I thought to myself, you have got to be kidding me.  I force myself up the rickety stairs to be greeted by a plane full of people.  I find my seat is the only empty one next to very tall man.  O joy and happiness, I could tell this would be fun since he made no attempt to fix his posture when he realized he would, after all, have someone sitting next to him.  He spent a good portion of the hour (thank god) flight with his legs spread eagle and a knee shoved into my leg and half his arm and head taking up my back area.  Becoming agitated I finally decided he looked like he needed an elbow....in his face.  I reached up a couple times to "fix my air" but he didn't seem to get the point.  

The trip home was no better.  Actually, to be quite honest, it was 10 times worse.  I went to the first airport to be placed on another rickety plane, this time my row partner?  I very large black man.  Super tall and definitely the type to never pass on food.  He obviously had no problem with personal space either.  I spent the flight on half of my seat since he took up half my seat.  I honestly felt bad, he couldn't help it.  But at the same time, the tickets were so expensive, I was a little outraged.  He only made the situation worse when he fell asleep, allowing his head to fall too close to me and proceeded to snore in my ear.  I was more than thrilled to begin my, yet again, mad dash at Charlotte to make my connecting flight. I embarked on the plane and realized, this plane was fantastic.  It was huge, great functioning a/c and even better, bigger seats and plenty of room.  This time I was sure no matter who was my rowmate, I would have my seat to myself.  Well, I was right, in some ways.  My rowmate was perfectly capable of fitting in his seat.  Now, I don't know about yall, but when I am flying, I'm not there to make friends.  I'm on a mission, to get where I am going and get there alive.  That's all I care about.  I don't give a shit about where you are going or what you are doing.  I certainly don't care what your name is, what your destination is and what you will be doing when you get there.  Someone should have filled my rowmate in on this.  I should have known I was in for it when I glanced up and saw his eager face looking directly at me and the ever-to-eager handshake introducing himself.  He sat down and immediately started digging in his pockets.  Now, he didn't do like most people do, like, stand up to get whatever it is out, or lean forward so you can reach what you are going for.  No, he decided, "hey, her ribs look like they are due for a good elbow or two."  Annoyed, tired, I tried to keep my calm.  I repeated a little mantra to myself and felt ok.  I made sure to avoid eye contact, looking out the window, looking at the carpet, staring at the skymall magazine.  Until at one point I could feel his eyes burning through me.  I glanced over and he smiled and began asking where I was going and what I was going there for.  I responded with "new orleans, because that's where I'm from."  He then began telling me all about his trip and what he was going to do and who he was going with.  Now, I also understand, that as  a "New Orleanian" I'm supposed to be accommodating to our tourists. But, to be completely honest, I was treating him like anyone else I would here.  If I don't know you, I most certainly don't want to know all about your social calendar.  I don't want to lock eyes with you and I most certainly don't want to catch you staring at me at the corner of my eye.

The plane couldn't have landed quick enough.  I had an awkward moment while walking through the airport while he tried to make conversation once again, but I began walking my quick, normal pace and lost him within seconds.

The whole point of this story is that, by the end of this weekend trip, I realized, I'm actually not afraid of flying anymore.  I was so wrapped up in making sure that I could make my connecting flights and being worried about being drugged and having my skin being made into a life size devin-suit, that I didn't even have time to be nervous. 


The Whirlwind That Is My Life

    That is the most simple way to sum up my life for the past, it feels like, five or so years.  I feel like I am constantly on the go, with no end or break in sight.  It seems like it all started when my Papa died.  I won't say pass away because that give the impression of it being a peaceful event.  His death was anything but that.  Since that time, it seems like things have been non-stop.  I have lost count how many times I had moved and I was back and forth between Texas and Louisiana for the past few years.  I did manage to work at a job in Dallas that I actually loved, for the most part.  Though the drive and people drove me crazy sometimes, I absolutely loved the position I was given.  I felt like I made a difference, I loved what I was doing, and I was appreciated.  

    After I felt like I was settled in and loving life, we received orders and were back to the shit hole I call New Orleans.  Now, before any of you start criticizing me,  let me explain something.  First of all, if you have ever visited as a tourist, it is not the same as having to live here on a daily basis.  Secondly, being born and raised, I have watched this city go from great, with a slight time at mediocre and then straight to hell.  Everyone likes to blame Hurricane Katrina, but those of us who were in the city prior to the hurricane with our eyes truly open to our surroundings knew it was going to shit well before that time, the hurricane just expedited the process.  Anyways, now that I've gone completely off topic, I was happy and disappointed at the same time.  My family was here as well as some of my friends.  On the other hand, I finally found a place where I felt like I belonged and I had to uproot and move once again.  It was heartbreaking and stressful, but I did it, because as a Marine wife, that is what you have to do.  You make friends, you build bonds and as soon as you feel like you have some life normalcy and stability, it is ripped from your grasp.

      I had several interviews before the planned move, followed by a few great job offers.  Being my typical self and not liking the unknown, I took a position that I had already been in and thought I would be comfortable with.  Well, suffice it to say, there is a reason they have that saying "some risks are worth taking."  I should have taken the leap and ventured out into the unknown, but instead I went with the "safe" option.  As I'm sure many of you can tell by now, that was a huge disaster.  I won't go into detail as to why it was a huge mistake, but since the time of taking that offer, I've gained the weight back that I lost when I had a healthy job that I was happy at, I picked up smoking (which is absolutely disgusting for a girl in my opinion) and have become basically a downright unhappy, disgusting, miserable person.  

       Thanks to the suggestion of a friend, I checked out a position that sounded too good to be true.  I applied, was called for a phone interview and then met with the hiring managers in person.  It was a quick process and was surprised to hear back just the day after my interview with a job offer.  I took it without hesitation.  So much for not jumping blindly into the unknown!!  


The Life That Passed Me By

Normally I can push away the daydreaming and "what ifs". I realize that it is neither helpful nor constructive. Today is one of those days that I've finally let it take over and ruin the day. I realize that I have wasted pretty much my entire life. Things went downhill my after senior year of high school, starting with a bad car accident and never regaining control of my life afterwards. I shit away a scholarship and books that were paid for, I skipped classes instead of going. Some because they were boring and didn't challenge me, and others because I was too worried about what else was happening in the world to care. I had great potential in my engineering courses, the professors acknowledging and complimenting me frequently. Instead of taking the plunge and throwing myself all in, I ran. I told myself I wasn't smart enough to do it, tucked tail and ran like hell. Here I am, seven years later. Yes, disgusting, I know. Seven years of doing pretty much nothing with my life. I dropped out of college, had to pay back quite a few thousand dollars for the education that meant nothing since I didn't finish it. I work in the legal field, a field I'm good in but absolutely cannot stand. I've been scarred from trusting most people, especially attorneys, and that affects me on a daily basis, more than I could ever admit.

I had set out to blog about this hoping it would help release some of my anxiety and anger with myself. It didn't really.



That is about the only word that can sum up the feeling I have toward myself. I swore that when I moved back to New Orleans, I would keep up with the healthy lifestyle, diet, cooking, exercise, etc. I have been back since June and I've done a piss poor job of all of the above. I probably would have went a little while longer before noticing had it not been for Christmas. Christmas is the time of year when everyone gets together to shove their faces, my family is no different. In between amazing lunches and dinners I noticed my weight gain. All of my clothes that used to be loose on me are now tight and looking like they would explode within any second. I could not be more disappointed and disgusted with myself. I worked so hard to drop the weight that I did and had such a clear goal in mind of how much more I wanted to lose. At some point it stopped being about a number and started being about becoming healthy for myself, no one else's opinion mattered to me anymore. Now, I have blown all of that away within less than a year.

I'm forcing myself to get back on track. I'm trying a little more radical methods than before to get the ball rolling again and hopefully after the pounds start coming off again, I'll be able to stick with it. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted on any good recipes I find, fun outings or cool new exercises I may discover.


Personal accountability

Let's be honest, I keep posting on here and talking about how I am going to do this and how I'm going to do that. WELL, I haven't done any of what I have promised. SO I have decided that I am going to start using this blog as a way to hold myself personally accountable for the self-promises I make, pretty much on a daily basis. Here are some promises I've made to myself and haven't lived up to thus far:

Finishing college, going to a fashion show and eventually making it to a fashion week (I'd settle for New York), making sure I am presentable every time I leave the house (hair fixed, no wrinkled clothes, etc.), dieting and exercising correctly, but most important of all BLOGGING!!

NOW, hopefully that I have put it all out there, I will keep myself on task and start sharing some of the craziness with my followers :)


The Hardest Part of Letting Go

Whether it be a friend, loved one, whoever, the hardest part is letting go. Saying goodbye, walking away, trying to keep them out of your memories.

I've had a lot of issues with death, but for once, this is not it. I've had friends that have come and gone A LOT over the last ten years or so. Some I knew they would only be short time friends, convenient for the time being, nice casual encounters and help with studies, etc. Others, I knew within the moment we met that we'd be friends for a lifetime. I had been, until recently, correct thus far about those connections. I have a very tight circle of friends that I know I can count on no matter what. So when one of those friends I thought would be with me until the end, completely dropped off of the face of the earth, it threw me for a loop. The worst part, he is a guy. I fight myself from the very beginning saying "just let him go, he obviously doesn't want to be your friend if he can disappear so easily without a word" but then, after some time, it starts to bother me. I think back on the things I had recently did and said, to think of ANYTHING that I could have done to insult him. Anything I could have done to hurt his feelings. For the life of me I cannot think of anything. So what do I do? I stupidly send him a facebook message. The dumbest thing you can do when someone is very obviously avoiding you. I wish there was an unsend button on that thing to allow me to maintain some of my dignity and make me not seem like one of those stalker girls.

I need to learn how to not wear my heart on my sleeve and not be so eager to have people always want to like me and accept me. It is not possible to get along and be friends with EVERYONE, so when someone is going out of their way to avoid me, I need to let it go.

I was just curious if any of my followers had ever been in a situation like that and if so, how did you handle it? Hopefully not as silly as I did!