But I digress, after hubby got off of work we went and grabbed some pho before he went out for drinks with the guys. I sat quietly over my soup, mostly trying to keep my eyes open long enough so I didn't fall face first into my soup and drown. Hubby may have been a little concerned since I'm usually a chatter box, but I was too tired to even think about talking. Hubby, being very personable but not good at conversation starting, kept making random comments, then looked at me and said "we need to plan a vacation." This is something we have talked about for a while and more recently gotten a little more serious about. We have never taken a REAL vacation together. We have taken a couple days to meet up with family and friends on the beach, we did a marriage enrichment retreat which was GREAT but only two days total, and our honeymoon wasn't a real greatly planned trip to stay at a casino which was only after a day or two, since we both aren't big into gambling (not like it was Vegas where there are a million other things to do).
Anyways, so we have been playing with ideas for a while. A couple that we are friends with are going on a cruise and want us to go. Hubby has NEVER been on a cruise before. I've been twice, and loved it both times. I think it would be great. We also have another couple we are friends with that have suggested a trip to ski/snowboard, which I would absolutely LOVE. Not sure where or when we are going to take this vacation(s) BUT I think I'm going to start getting some ideas and suggestions gathered so I can get some price ideas. Where would you suggest? We are open to anything. Even going out of country. We are up for whatever climate. Let me know :)
Okay, so first of all, this is what I'm looking like today. I'm pretty sure I could pass for a ghost and if not, at least a vampire? Not sure what is going on but it seems like I've lost what little pigment I had before.
I haven't ate or had an appetite since my nightmares. I tried to force an apple down this morning so I wouldn't get sick, but I couldn't stomach it. I shouldn't complain since I am trying to lose weight BUT I know it is really unhealthy not to eat.
Anywho, I have had the most hectic schedule lately and I believe it is beginning to take a toll on me. I wish I had more time to spend with my friends and family but I just don't. But don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the time that I do have to spend with friends. I feel horrible when I have to reply to a text and tell my friends I just can't make an event or a party due to my schedule. I've always been a people pleasure and super social person, so I don't like saying no.
Hmmm, there is so much more I wanted to blog about today but it has all slipped my mind. I think the lack of sleep and food is getting to me. Maybe I'll curl up with puppy tonight and hope he can keep away the nightmares.
For a while the nightmares had gone away. It has been a little over two years since my Papa died. The little I slept for the year following his death was filled with nightmares. Sometimes of him yelling at us for bringing him to the hospital, sometimes of him standing there just looking at me with his watery eyes, sad as can be, sometimes of him telling me he isn't really gone and not to stop looking for him, it was all a rouse to hide him from bad guys.
After a year went by, I thought I may have been close to my breaking point. The lack of sleep was getting to me and I was pushing everyone in my life away. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. My husband lived in a different state and I had no motivation to move their with him. With a house note in Texas and me in Louisiana I was forced to seek shelter with how else other than my grandmother. She needed constant help around the house so it was my duty as well. I was put up in room across from my Papa's. I spent most nights sitting in my bed staring into his room, wishing he would come back, ending up curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep, only to be awoken by the nightmares.
I'm not sure what snapped me back to reality, but at some point I realized how unhealthy it was for me. I had pushed my family away and I was on the verge of losing one of the only people who has ever truly cared for me, my husband. I was determined to do whatever I had to do to get on with my life.
I managed to score an interview then subsequently a job so I could live with hubby. I mended some broken fences with my family and got back in touch with my friends. I kept myself so busy so I wouldn't think about my Papa. Every now and then the guilt would sweep over me for forgetting him, but I pushed it away, I can't start this all over. I keep one of his carpenter pencils in my purse to remind myself he is always with me and also kinda like a good luck charm. That was the most I could do.
It took a simple text from my sister to start it again, I believe. She text me last night "dude, grand tarino was a sad movie." And I said "It looked like it would be. I avoided it because clint eastwood reminds me of papa." She replied "well, this movie is so papa." I put down my cell phone and avoided conversation with everyone for the night. I tried to let the thought go but I guess my brain didn't want to. Last night was full of horrible dreams. The main one being my grandparents' house full of well wishers from the funeral and me screaming in the middle of them, but no one could hear me. I then looked over at pictures that were up of my Papa. They began moving and he was making funny faces, I began to laugh. Papa always had a way of making me laugh. Only he could make me laugh the day after my horrible car accident. Thirty some odd stitches in my face and my Papa had to make me laugh.
Anyways, the remaining parts of the dream were filled with memories of the hospital stint. So many things went wrong that shouldn't have. I blame the people at the hospital that were supposed to be there to help but only ended up killing him, but mainly I blame myself. He didn't want to go to the hospital. Why didn't we just listen to him.
Ugh, anyways, at this point I would gladly welcome back the Freddy Kruger dreams to replace these nightmares. :(
I've learned to let the things that I cannot control go. No need of stressing myself out and giving myself a heart attack at a young age. No, I'll simply learn to fit my rigorous cleaning regimen in my busy day, even if I have a room a day.
Okay, so maybe not the color of love for everyone, but I'm sure as heck loving this color right now!! My people over at Sephora never steer me wrong! The only thing I can complain about with this is it is definitely a "Top Coat necessary" color! (I've gotten spoiled with the quick-dry all in one colors!).
Anyways, I figured I would post and share my new color with you guys and to give a little scoop about what is going on in the big D lately.
The NBA All Stars event is this weekend. What does that mean you ask? Well I was alerted yesterday that they are expecting an additional 25,000 vehicles in the general downtown Dallas area, and an estimate of an additional 300,000-400,000 people in the area. YIKES!! And to think, I was excited to be out of New Orleans and away from the Mardi Gras craziness, but only to substitute it with another craziness!!
It is expected to snow again tomorrow. It seems as though it has been the coldest winter they have had for a while. Go figure I would pick this winter to be here! ha! I don't mind though, I do enjoy the cold weather (does wonders for the hair) and I LOVE snow, as does hubby and puppy dog.
I've accomplished one of the numbers on my list (will do a post specifically about that). I feel like I'm starting to finally make headway with things in my life. We recently decided to move into an apartment (I know crazy right!). But we are SO close to having everything paid off that saving an additional $200 a month will put us ahead of schedule! Not to mention, not having to deal with the stress of maintenance and lawn upkeep. There are also a few pools in the gated community along with a phenomenal 24 hour fitness center which is all inclusive (what?! no more monthly gym payments either! rack up another $6o!). I cannot be more excited about this adventure to unfold!
Anyways, no meaning or story behind it, just a good song. Sorry I couldn't post the official vid but for some reason YouTube is being a poo right now and won't let me. Enjoy! :)
1. Go to New York
2. Go to a Yankees game
4. Learn how to
5. Go bungee jumping
6. Go on a sail boat
7. Go canoeing
8. Go on an actual hike
9. Go on an actual camping trip (more than a day long)
10. Get my tattoo that I've wanted for my papa
11. Spend a full day watching back to back movies
12. Try Indian cuisine
13. Go a day with absolutely no electronics (cell, computer, tv, etc.)
14. Spend the weekend being a tourist in New Orleans
15. Go on a carriage ride
16. Ride a horse
17. Go to a horse race
18. Do a beauty pageant (the other one doesn't count since I wasn't being serious)
19. Finish college
20. Have a successful career
21. Become someone you wouldn't want to be without
22. Have kids and be a good mom to them
23. Become a great wife
24. Go to Niagara Falls
25. Ride on a train
26. Take the subway
27. Go to a musical
28. Go to an opera
29. Take a real vacation for a week, no cell phones, no worries
30. Go a full day without worrying about anything
32. Become a Big Sister with the BBBS Foundation
33. Take a dance class with hubby, perhaps western, ballroom or salsa?
34. Run in a marathon
35. Go cycling with hardcore cyclists
36. Try out kickboxing
37. Have hubby teach me MCMAP and other self-defense moves
38. Become an expert on pistol
39. Get in great physical shape