Proper grieving period?


So, as my old followers know, my papa passed away a little over a year ago. I still have nightmares about the first trip to the hospital, as well as the horrifying months thereafter. I still hear his whistles, I still hear him building stuff in his shed. I still hear the "hey devy!" or "HEY LIZZY!" when I pull up at his house.

I've had few words of comfort throughout this whole situation. I've had people tell me the typical bull shit of "he's in a better place" or "it was his time." Each time I heard these over used statements I cringed. He isn't in a better place. The best place for him was here. It was certainly not his time. People get written off these days after they hit 60 or so. They are old and dead already. I don't understand it.

So, anyways, after a year or so I began wondering if this feeling is ever going to go away. What is the proper grieving period anyway? When exactly does this pain go away?

So I googled....yes, I googled! and the first thing that pulled up..... "The period of grieving depends upon the situation and varies greatly from person to person." Wow, so simple and so true. You see, maybe to some, the pain I feel and the sadness and loneliness I have would not be normal. I was very close to my papa. We were raised by my grandparents as well as my parents. We were fortunate enough to live next to them. There were so many times where I got in trouble growing up (prime example- getting caught on bourbon street my sophomore year and no one would speak to me, my papa didn't give up on me, he knew I wasn't a bad kid). There was also the car accident that left me trapped in my parent's house my whole senior summer. He was there when few people were.

Anyways, I'm just rambling now. The point is, maybe there is no such thing as a "grieving period." Maybe your grieving never ends. Maybe some feel more than others. Maybe some feel too much.

Either way, I've been thinking about him more and more lately.......


star said...

ugh, i so know what you mean about the cliches people like to use when you've experienced the death of someone close to you. its really annoying. i know it honestly comes from a good place bc they're just trying to make you feel better but it gets aggravating because the only people who say those things are the ones who can't relate to what you're going through.
time does heal all wounds though. hopefully soon you can start thinking of all the good things instead of remembering all the crap that came at the end.

ps. i know the time heals all wounds thing is cliche, but its the only one ive found to be true :)

kle said...

oh honey that's so sad. i'm so sorry for your loss. i can't quite imagine ever getting over a death of someone close completely. yes, time heals (i apologise for yet another cliche), but it doesn't make it go away. you're so lucky to have good memories to cherish :)