An Endless Battle

I have always had weight issues...if it wasn't one extreme it was the other. I was a little chubby growing up and it seemed like the second I entered high school I had shot up in height and thinned out in width. One of my good friends at the time used to give me a hard time always asking if I had an eating disorder. It used to piss me off because I couldn't understand why she would even think that. Going into college I was still pretty thin, but over the years I added weight on slowly but surely. And now, as if by overnight, I realize how much I have put on by comparing pictures. I also realized that I did have an eating disorder in high school and just didn't realize it. I wouldn't eat unless I was hungry, which would leave me going without food sometimes for days. When I was hungry I would binge (never throwing up mind you!) then go another day or two or three without eating again simply because I wasn't hungry. Well, you may think it worked since I managed to stay skinny that whole time, but obviously not. I set myself up for a lifetime of bad eating habits.

Anyways, I feel like I am at the end of my struggle. I feel as though I have hit rock bottom. Most people would look at me and think I am just a little thick, which they are probably right. But when I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror I get sick to my stomach. The person I am looking at is not me, but myself in a fat suit. It is so utterly disturbing. Anyways, I have been making some drastic lifestyle changes and I am hoping they produce an end result that I am happy with and that I can continue with the rest of my life. I'll make sure to keep you guys posted on this front.

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