On The Verge Of Losing It All...


Not to long ago, I felt like I was on the verge of losing it all. I don't really know where to begin this story. I can only try to figure where it all began. I guess the downhill turn started when I moved back to New Orleans, LA. I tried to find a job for the longest time in Texas with Robert, but was unsuccessful due to the legal economy being in the crapper (along with everything else right?!). We agreed it would be best for me to move back in order for us to stay ahead of our bills. We weren't exactly the most stable while separate. We fought a lot, didn't speak, and to be honest, I thought there were a few times that I would never see him again, by both of our choices. I got a job pretty quickly at a law firm in New Orleans. I had three interviews in one day and I still look back and want to kick myself for taking the offer from the firm that I decided on. It was, as I look back on it now, the WORST mistake I've ever made in my life. I should have went with the other two. One actually paid a lot more, but I was scared to take the chance. So I stuck with the safe route. Boy, was that a bad decision.

I won't go into details about the mental abuse the people at that place put people through, but I will tell you, they are what lead me down the path of self destruction.

I also won't go into full detail about specifics (mainly because I'm still not sure about the action I am taking), but I will say that it was by a pure miracle I was saved. Robert and Raul came in for Robert's birthday weekend and the second I saw him, I knew I needed to leave with him and figure it out as I went along. I abandoned all hope for a normal life without him, it just wasn't going to happen. Robert, I'm pretty sure, knew this as well. He knew he was my saving grace. & if by the hands of God, he became my knight in shinning armor that I had prayed for all alone.

Since that time, I found employment the very next day in Texas. We have never been happier. I have never been happier in my life. I found a part of me I had lost long ago that I feared I would never find again. So now, when I go out to a party or a club, I don't need to go straight for the Jack, I just turn to Robert and I have everything I need. I can have fun completely sober and I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I still DO cut loose and have fun drinking, but it isn't a neccessity to my survival anymore. I have everything I need & that's all I've ever wanted.


plentymorefishoutofwater said...

You write really well. I'll be back. However, the pink font is annoying to my eyes! It sparkles as you try to read. I'd suggest a change of colour - though it could just be me :-) Thanks for following and keep up the good work,

There's always a million reasons not to do something said...

o no!! I was told a long time ago never to write in pink for that very reason! I'll be changing my layout soon. Thanks for the visit! :)

Tami G said...

Love the blog...and glad you found your happiness. It's amazing what a hard thing that is to do and how many mistakes you have to make along the way before you realize WHERE you are screwing up and what is really important in life!