Sexy Monday

I think the title speaks for itself. Happy Monday to all ;)

Vacation

So after spending most of my weekend cleaning while hubby was working (the only time I can properly clean the house, ceiling/wall vacuuming, upholstery cleaning, steam cleaning and all), then holding hubby's car hostage yesterday to do a thorough cleaning (about 4 hours in total), I am EXHAUSTED! Actually, I don't even think exhausted is the word at this point.

But I digress, after hubby got off of work we went and grabbed some pho before he went out for drinks with the guys. I sat quietly over my soup, mostly trying to keep my eyes open long enough so I didn't fall face first into my soup and drown. Hubby may have been a little concerned since I'm usually a chatter box, but I was too tired to even think about talking. Hubby, being very personable but not good at conversation starting, kept making random comments, then looked at me and said "we need to plan a vacation." This is something we have talked about for a while and more recently gotten a little more serious about. We have never taken a REAL vacation together. We have taken a couple days to meet up with family and friends on the beach, we did a marriage enrichment retreat which was GREAT but only two days total, and our honeymoon wasn't a real greatly planned trip to stay at a casino which was only after a day or two, since we both aren't big into gambling (not like it was Vegas where there are a million other things to do).

Anyways, so we have been playing with ideas for a while. A couple that we are friends with are going on a cruise and want us to go. Hubby has NEVER been on a cruise before. I've been twice, and loved it both times. I think it would be great. We also have another couple we are friends with that have suggested a trip to ski/snowboard, which I would absolutely LOVE. Not sure where or when we are going to take this vacation(s) BUT I think I'm going to start getting some ideas and suggestions gathered so I can get some price ideas. Where would you suggest? We are open to anything. Even going out of country. We are up for whatever climate. Let me know :)

Night 3

Night 3 of the nightmares and I'm wishing they would have never been retriggered. I feel as though I could just fall on my face at any moment. I stare into the distance thinking about him. There are so many things that should have been done differently back then, but because they weren't we are where we are today. An incomplete family with an empty void that will never be filled.

I will gladly go back to my every night nightmares of Freddy Kruger. Even the ones that I actually woke up from with scratches on my body. That is how badly I want these to stop. O well though, no reasoning or bargaining with dreams, it is pointless after all.

I have a full schedule ahead of me and it doesn't look like I will see the end for a while. Everything is going GREAT here though, other than the aforementioned. My friend that moved overseas for a while is actually moving back to the U.S. this weekend so I'm trying to set up a time for me to fly and see her to catch up. Other than that, maybe planning a solo trip back home to visit everyone. The last time I went in I didn't get to see nearly everyone I wanted to see, and that has left me a little sad.

Life...or something of the sort

Okay, so first of all, this is what I'm looking like today. I'm pretty sure I could pass for a ghost and if not, at least a vampire? Not sure what is going on but it seems like I've lost what little pigment I had before.

I haven't ate or had an appetite since my nightmares. I tried to force an apple down this morning so I wouldn't get sick, but I couldn't stomach it. I shouldn't complain since I am trying to lose weight BUT I know it is really unhealthy not to eat.

Anywho, I have had the most hectic schedule lately and I believe it is beginning to take a toll on me. I wish I had more time to spend with my friends and family but I just don't. But don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the time that I do have to spend with friends. I feel horrible when I have to reply to a text and tell my friends I just can't make an event or a party due to my schedule. I've always been a people pleasure and super social person, so I don't like saying no.

Hmmm, there is so much more I wanted to blog about today but it has all slipped my mind. I think the lack of sleep and food is getting to me. Maybe I'll curl up with puppy tonight and hope he can keep away the nightmares.

They're Back

For a while the nightmares had gone away. It has been a little over two years since my Papa died. The little I slept for the year following his death was filled with nightmares. Sometimes of him yelling at us for bringing him to the hospital, sometimes of him standing there just looking at me with his watery eyes, sad as can be, sometimes of him telling me he isn't really gone and not to stop looking for him, it was all a rouse to hide him from bad guys.

After a year went by, I thought I may have been close to my breaking point. The lack of sleep was getting to me and I was pushing everyone in my life away. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. My husband lived in a different state and I had no motivation to move their with him. With a house note in Texas and me in Louisiana I was forced to seek shelter with how else other than my grandmother. She needed constant help around the house so it was my duty as well. I was put up in room across from my Papa's. I spent most nights sitting in my bed staring into his room, wishing he would come back, ending up curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep, only to be awoken by the nightmares.

I'm not sure what snapped me back to reality, but at some point I realized how unhealthy it was for me. I had pushed my family away and I was on the verge of losing one of the only people who has ever truly cared for me, my husband. I was determined to do whatever I had to do to get on with my life.

I managed to score an interview then subsequently a job so I could live with hubby. I mended some broken fences with my family and got back in touch with my friends. I kept myself so busy so I wouldn't think about my Papa. Every now and then the guilt would sweep over me for forgetting him, but I pushed it away, I can't start this all over. I keep one of his carpenter pencils in my purse to remind myself he is always with me and also kinda like a good luck charm. That was the most I could do.

It took a simple text from my sister to start it again, I believe. She text me last night "dude, grand tarino was a sad movie." And I said "It looked like it would be. I avoided it because clint eastwood reminds me of papa." She replied "well, this movie is so papa." I put down my cell phone and avoided conversation with everyone for the night. I tried to let the thought go but I guess my brain didn't want to. Last night was full of horrible dreams. The main one being my grandparents' house full of well wishers from the funeral and me screaming in the middle of them, but no one could hear me. I then looked over at pictures that were up of my Papa. They began moving and he was making funny faces, I began to laugh. Papa always had a way of making me laugh. Only he could make me laugh the day after my horrible car accident. Thirty some odd stitches in my face and my Papa had to make me laugh.

Anyways, the remaining parts of the dream were filled with memories of the hospital stint. So many things went wrong that shouldn't have. I blame the people at the hospital that were supposed to be there to help but only ended up killing him, but mainly I blame myself. He didn't want to go to the hospital. Why didn't we just listen to him.

Ugh, anyways, at this point I would gladly welcome back the Freddy Kruger dreams to replace these nightmares. :(

Pretty in Pink

Okay, so I don't really remember exactly what color it is, but it is one of my beloved Quick Dry polishes and it makes me happy. I'm in a pretty good mood today for the most part. Yesterday was a productive day and I even managed to make it home to make a nice dinner & clean the bathroom, eat then make it to the gym. I know you are probably thinking "woop-di-do" but that is a lot for me in one day. You see, I have been so stressed lately because I don't have the time I would like to dedicate to cleaning. Don't get me wrong, if a visitor would stop in they would think it was clean, but not to my germaphobe/clean freak standards. No, I fail on that end. But what can I do?

I've learned to let the things that I cannot control go. No need of stressing myself out and giving myself a heart attack at a young age. No, I'll simply learn to fit my rigorous cleaning regimen in my busy day, even if I have a room a day.

I am a little sad today since I am in Texas and missing Mardi Gras, but at this time last year I was there, wishing I was here. So I don't miss it that much now that I think of it.

We have a lot of exciting events coming up. The one that I have most on my mind is the Oscar's party that is being thrown at the local museum. You can either dress up like a movie star OR like your favorite character...decisions decisions!

Now to let my party side out for a minute, I'm posting a video of one of my newer favy songs. You HAVE to love Three Days Grace, especially if you see them live. I've never been more captivated by a band (enough so that I was able to deal with a crammed packed room with smelly people for quite a few songs- I surprised myself, before I panicked and needed to leave that is!) Okay, so anyways, click play and tell me you don't want to get up and dance/party

A Day of Love

To be honest, ever since I was in grade school, Valentine's Day was always a day that left a knot in my stomach. We were required to give a Valentine to each student in the class, so it was never a surprise when I had a bag full of goodies at the end of the day. The sad part about it though, it was never more than a generic "happy valentine's" or something of that nature. I always longed to open one that was a confession of a handsome boy's love, but never managed to get one of those.

You see, I was an odd duckling in grade school. I never knew what to do with my hair, I never knew the right thing to say. Now don't get me wrong, I had friends. I actually had a great group of friends, but I was far from the popular crowd. But as much as I envied them every now and then, I never wanted to be them. No, I didn't want to be the girl lying to her parents to sneak out with a boy way to old for her, I didn't even like the notion of smoking stinky cigarettes. Maybe that's why I wasn't cool enough for a true Valentine on this "day of love."

Anyways, fast forward about fifteen or so years and here I am. Married to an amazing man (who on most days seems like a absolute dream). Last Valentine's was a bit shaky but we didn't manage to spend it together (if that is what you want to call it). This year I had no preconceived intentions or plans. I have learned to let silly holidays like this go, honestly, it is just another day. Why should we feel forced to show our love on one day? I woke up to the pup in the bed and hubby right along with him, both waiting to give me morning kisses. Hubby had already let puppy out and fed him. I was showered with gifts the night before. Proactive (what?! I asked for it! lol..I had a freak out moment when a zit appeared on my face for the first time in a long time) and a Victoria Secret gift card load with cash (o I do love their panties!!)

That was more than enough to make me happy. We went to our fav soup place for lunch and headed back home to get comfy and cuddle up and watch movies all day. Goodfellas was on so I opted for that (what, who needs mushy love movies?). After the movie was over, hubby jumped up and said "I have one more thing" and pulled something out from the entertainment center. I thought to myself "o, that's what I get for not cleaning yesterday!!" lol. It was a handmade coupon book. Before I even opened it, I lost control and broke into tears, something that hardly ever happens with me. He looked confused, until I mumbled I love you, then he laughed and hugged me. After opening it I was greeted with day passes for a gas free house (thank goodness!), a massage (no molesting involved unless I wanted it), and many other great gifts. This was all I needed. Knowing that he took a couple extra minutes and made this by hand made me feel like I was the luckiest woman alive.

Ah! I love that man. Anyways, let me know what you Valentine's Day was like, single or not!

The Color of Love

Okay, so maybe not the color of love for everyone, but I'm sure as heck loving this color right now!! My people over at Sephora never steer me wrong! The only thing I can complain about with this is it is definitely a "Top Coat necessary" color! (I've gotten spoiled with the quick-dry all in one colors!).

Anyways, I figured I would post and share my new color with you guys and to give a little scoop about what is going on in the big D lately.

The NBA All Stars event is this weekend. What does that mean you ask? Well I was alerted yesterday that they are expecting an additional 25,000 vehicles in the general downtown Dallas area, and an estimate of an additional 300,000-400,000 people in the area. YIKES!! And to think, I was excited to be out of New Orleans and away from the Mardi Gras craziness, but only to substitute it with another craziness!!

It is expected to snow again tomorrow. It seems as though it has been the coldest winter they have had for a while. Go figure I would pick this winter to be here! ha! I don't mind though, I do enjoy the cold weather (does wonders for the hair) and I LOVE snow, as does hubby and puppy dog.

I've accomplished one of the numbers on my list (will do a post specifically about that). I feel like I'm starting to finally make headway with things in my life. We recently decided to move into an apartment (I know crazy right!). But we are SO close to having everything paid off that saving an additional $200 a month will put us ahead of schedule! Not to mention, not having to deal with the stress of maintenance and lawn upkeep. There are also a few pools in the gated community along with a phenomenal 24 hour fitness center which is all inclusive (what?! no more monthly gym payments either! rack up another $6o!). I cannot be more excited about this adventure to unfold!

The Ugly Truth

Yes, I know, the movie has been out for quite a while, but as usual, I have been too busy doing one of everything else to see it. I was fully intent on seeing it while it was out in the theaters, even had hubby in on it, but we never found the time to see it. So naturally when we made a red box stop, to find "Zombieland" per hubby's request, I couldn't pass up "The Ugly Truth." I heard that it was a pretty funny movie and definitely enough in it to keep the men folk interested. It didn't take much to sway him to give in to this movie instead (hey, I rarely ask for things!).

Anyways, it was such a great movie. Gerard Butler looked as yummy as always and played such a believable character. Not for him, but for a womanizer. He did such a great job. I got swept away with the movie. It reminded me of someone I once knew (well not really knew since he never let anyone really KNOW him). I laughed because at the end of the movie, Katherine Heigl called him out on what the truth behind his womanizing was. You see, someone like that always has a back story. He isn't just bitter towards women for no reason. BUT at the same time, there is no way that every woman he has come across has problems, it has to be him. Anyways, it just made me giggle to myself, because I know that old man is still out there, spreading his lies, when all he should do is just admit to himself and everyone else that HE is, in fact, the problem, not everyone else. I think in the end he would be happier and maybe be able to have a clear conscience , be able to sleep at night, and eventually, maybe have a REAL relationship.

But I digress, for those of you who haven't seen the movie, this is a MUST. I laughed for a good portion of the movie. It is far enough away from a chick flick to talk a date into it, but still enough to make it a feel good movie :)

Patience is a Virtue

I am in the process of getting my laptop fixed so my posts won't be as frequent as I would like. Anyways, bear with me as I am in the process of getting a new PC ANNNND redesigning my site!! Hopefully it will be how I want it in the end. Anyways, I'll make sure to post soon!!

Need You Now

Gosh, this is such a pretty song and I love it!! I can't get it out of my head. It is totally a pop song but has a little bit of a country sound to it. I'm starting to worry about myself and feel that I may have lived in Texas [country cow town] a bit too long. Ekkk!!


Anyways, no meaning or story behind it, just a good song. Sorry I couldn't post the official vid but for some reason YouTube is being a poo right now and won't let me. Enjoy! :)

I am Supergirl

I have prided myself on being able to take on any challenge, do anything, save the world! It wasn't until recently, that I realized, maybe I can't?

Is it possible for one person to manage everything in their life along with everything for the people surrounding them? I used to be convinced that the answer to this self-inflicted question was yes, but after the past week or so, I think I may have to disagree with my earlier self.

At some point in my life, I became the push over. I swore to myself that would never happen. I saw that hubby was that way (before we were married of course). He couldn't say no to anyone. People saw that weakness and pounced to take advantage of him left and right. I was there to be the hard one, the bitch if you will, but the one to keep him from getting drug through the dirt. Then over the years, I became more lax with my strictness. I began letting people "take advantage" of me, to some extent at least. Things were easier to just do myself rather than explaining. I got so wrapped up in everything being perfect and in order, that I figured I'd just take on the tasks myself so no one could possibly mess them up.

This seemed to be going great for me. That was until last week when I realized, everyone panics when I am not around. What if the phone were to ring and no one knew how to fix it? What if someone got locked out of their computer because their password wouldn't work, & they couldn't figure out to take the caps lock off? What if they sat in a dark office thinking the lights were out, because no one was there to tell them to flip the switch? What if there were no clean clothes left? What if there were no clean dishes?

I realize at this point and I am everyone's, for lack of better term, bitch. I have made myself so available to assist with other people's needs that I am the pee on. I am now my hubby back in the day. I have been taken advantage of beyond disbelief.

So, what am I going to do you ask? Well, it is very simple, I'm going to stop. I'm going to start saying no. I'm not going to go somewhere if I don't want to go just to please that person. I'm not going to wash someone's dish that they leave lying around because they think the magic fairy takes care of it. I'm not going to do it anymore. There comes a point and time when someone hits their breaking point. They can either accept it and keep up with their pattern and eventually explode, or do something about it before it causes problems. I'm sticking with the latter.

Now, this all reminds me of a song from back in the day, Krystal Harris sang it best when she said "I'm supergirl and I'm here to save the world, but I want to know who's going to save me?"

The Coughing Child

**Disclaimer- This post is NOT to offend anyone with children, if you take offense, I do apologize, but it needs to be shared**

Date night arrived with the hubby and it was my turn to select the dinner location. I decided on Olive Garden because I wanted a hot bowl of soup and a nice fresh salad. We waited the usual 20-30 minute wait for a table, due to the popularity AND cold weather of course.

We were seated in a nice cozy corner. I am so beyond happy to be here with hubby, relaxing, and getting ready to enjoy a nice warm soup and out of the cold weather. We are served samples of a new wine, hubby looks at me and can tell I like it, orders two glasses for us. It was romantic. I don't need a five star restaurant to enjoy myself. This is all I ever wanted. It was such a romantic night.

I noticed when we were seated there was a younger couple, maybe our age?, girl covered in tattoos, man dressed shabby, and a child, approximately six years in age. I have gotten spoiled by my friends' children, all well behaved and perfect angels in public places. To the onlooker, you would have thought the same about this child. That was until she began jumping on the seat of the booth. Normally, I wouldn't have been bothered, but on this occasion, I was seated on the side attached to her booth, so with every jump I was bumped a bit from my comfortable position. Hubby could tell I was getting annoyed, he reached across the table and grabbed my hand, I took a deep breath and calmed down.

We continued our conversation, only to be quickly interrupted by the child talking right into my ear. She had stood up on the booth and was talking directly into my ear! I turned and gave a horrible look to both her and her "parents" (I do feel bad for having to be nasty to the child, I mean, my God she is only a child and OBVIOUSLY hasn't been taught how to act in public). Her mother quickly yelled at her to sit down and she obliged. I thought that would be the end of it until I felt a small hand on my shoulder. Sheeeee's baaaccccck!!

A little more talking followed by one of the second worst things imaginable, a COUGH, right on my back (what is the first you ask? why a sneeze of course!). Completely disgusted at this point, I am a germaphobe for God's sake, I jumped to my feet and let out a disgusted noise. Hubby was frozen, not sure what to do. "Control your child please." What did the parents do? Nothing, the let the child continue jumping around while they enjoyed their dinner.

I understand that couples, especially young couples, don't get enough quality time together as a couple when they have children at a young age, BUT at the same time, why should my hubby and myself be punished just because they could not take an extra few minutes each time they were out in public to instill some manners in their children. I simply don't understand it. The more and more I see, the more hesitant I am to have children. Is it really that difficult to teach them simple things like this?

My Bucket List

Okay, so for those of you who followed me from the very beginning will have to ignore my repetitive list, but I have added on and redacted my list. I am interested in seeing if other bloggers have similar goals. Let me know :)

1. Go to New York
2. Go to a Yankees game
3. Visit shop in Paris
4. Learn how to drift drive a stick
5. Go bungee jumping
6. Go on a sail boat
7. Go canoeing
8. Go on an actual hike
9. Go on an actual camping trip (more than a day long)
10. Get my tattoo that I've wanted for my papa
11. Spend a full day watching back to back movies
12. Try Indian cuisine
13. Go a day with absolutely no electronics (cell, computer, tv, etc.)
14. Spend the weekend being a tourist in New Orleans
15. Go on a carriage ride
16. Ride a horse
17. Go to a horse race
18. Do a beauty pageant (the other one doesn't count since I wasn't being serious)
19. Finish college
20. Have a successful career
21. Become someone you wouldn't want to be without
22. Have kids and be a good mom to them
23. Become a great wife
24. Go to Niagara Falls
25. Ride on a train
26. Take the subway
27. Go to a musical
28. Go to an opera
29. Take a real vacation for a week, no cell phones, no worries
30. Go a full day without worrying about anything
31. Go rock climbing
32. Become a Big Sister with the BBBS Foundation
33. Take a dance class with hubby, perhaps western, ballroom or salsa?
34. Run in a marathon
35. Go cycling with hardcore cyclists
36. Try out kickboxing
37. Have hubby teach me MCMAP and other self-defense moves
38. Become an expert on pistol
39. Get in great physical shape

Anyways, that is all I have for now. I always add things to the list, but at this point, I have a lot ahead of me in order to accomplish everything. I am going to try to post on each number as I cross them off. Rock climbing has already been blogged about a few posts back. AND I'll be doing that again, this weekend hopefully, so maybe I'll get someone to snap a pic so I can post with more details. I am anxious to hear other's lists

The Meaning of Life

It seems as though we are always searching for the meaning of life. Meanwhile, right under our noses, life is happening and we are missing out!

So where am I going with this? As of today, I'm done searching for the meaning of life and I'm just going to START LIVING. That's right. No more wondering why something has happened. No more constant "what if"'s. No more feeling sorry for myself for the people and things I have lost, or never had. No more making excuses. People always say "I'll get to it tomorrow" but what they don't realize is that today is yesterday's tomorrow.

I'm in the process of revamping my list and I'll repost it shortly :) I hope ya'll will follow me on my journey and hopefully I can inspire some of you to do the same :)